A few nights ago my husband and I were watching a show called “The Moment of Truth.” In this show, contestants are given a polygraph test administered by a polygraph expert prior to the airing of the show. The contestant must answer 50 questions for the polygraph. Later the contestant must sit in front of a studio audience, including their friends and family (about whom most of the personal and revealing questions are asked!), for the televised portion of the show. They only need to answer 21 of the questions truthfully, as determined by the polygraph pre-screening, in order to win $500,000. The questions become more revealing and personal as the contestant advances. It’s done much in the same way as “Who wants to be a millionaire,” except that the questions the contestant is answering are personal questions about themselves. An example of these questions:
· Have you ever cheated on your spouse?
· Do you wish you had married someone else?
· Do you think your mother-in-law is trying to ruin your marriage?
· Are you disgusted by your brother’s wife?
· Would you choose your wife over your family?
And on and on and on these questions go.
As my husband and I were watching this, both feeling quite uncomfortable, we realized that the questions about our actions are questions we would never have a problem answering: Have you ever cheated on a test? Have you ever cheated on your spouse? Of course we both wouldn’t have a problem answering these questions on national television, because we don’t feel like we have anything to hide. The problem with answering these questions, though, comes when the questions turn to our inner thoughts. We are human, after all. And even my husband, who is, I know, the most morally upright person I have ever met, has inner thoughts that though he shares with me, doesn’t want to share with the rest of the world. This made me realize that I, too, have thoughts in the back of my mind that I don’t want all the world to know. As I said before, we are all human. We are all sinners. We sin every single day, even when we try our hardest not to. These sins of ours can be as simple as negative thoughts about another person…thoughts we hope and pray no one ever finds out. Who among us has not thought something at some point in our lives that we hope and pray no one ever knows we think? You see, the god thing about our thoughts is that no one has access to them but us, right?!
In our first lesson today, from the book of Genesis, we hear that the Lord appeared to Abraham. He looked up and saw three men standing near him, and knew this was the Lord. It was at this time, after he and Sarah had prepared a meal for them and they were sitting and eating, that the Lord, these men, said to Abraham that his wife Sarah would bear a child. Sarah overheard this and laughed, saying, “After I have grown old, after my body has stopped being able to bear children, and after my husband is old…now we are to bear children? Yeah right!” And the Lord says to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh when I said that she would bear a child? Is anything too difficult for the Lord to complete?” But Sarah denied this, saying, “I didn’t laugh.” And the Lord said, “Yeah…ya’ did! I’m the Lord. I know!”
This passage made me think a lot about my inner thoughts. Don’t worry, I don’t have terrible thoughts in my head. But, to be honest, they aren’t good thoughts. They’re not thoughts becoming of a Christian, and certainly not thoughts becoming of a priest. So, you won’t find me going on “The Moment of Truth” anytime soon. I would die if…knew these things, if the world knew these things that I sometimes think.
What I realized this week, though, is that it is not what the world knows about my inner thoughts that matters. This show, “The Moment of Truth” is nothing. It is nothing compared to the reality that God knows our inner thoughts. And trust me, there is no being more scary to be held accountable to than our creator: the creator of this world, of us, this creator who in a single moment can destroy us, this creator who died a horrific death on a cross because he loves us that much. That, I began to realize this week, is what I’m scared of. I care much more about what God knows about my inner thoughts than what this world knows. Because, like Sarah, I can’t hide anything from the Lord. Like Sarah, we cannot hide anything from the Lord. He knows our deepest secrets. Who cares what the world knows?! That’s nothing! The Lord holds us accountable for each and every single thing we say, do, and think. Everything!
We see an example of this, of the Lord knowing the deepest thoughts of our hearts, in the story of Sarah. And we know it through our own experiences. But that is not all. You see the Psalms, the hymns sung by the Israelites, are full of this knowledge. Psalm 51 says, “Wash me through and through from my wickedness and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against you only have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight…For behold, you look for truth deep within me…Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.” So aware were the early Christians of God’s knowledge of their inner thoughts and sins, that in the 11th century they wrote a prayer that we now have in our liturgy today. Please turn in your Books of Common Prayer to page 355. At the bottom of the page we have the Collect for Purity, a prayer from the 11th century, a collect reminiscent of Psalm 51. “Almighty God, to you all hearts are open, all desires known, and from you no secrets are hid: Cleanse the thoughts of our hearts by the inspiration of your Holy Spirit, that we may perfectly love you, and worthily magnify your holy Name; through Christ our Lord.” I say this collect every Sunday we have the Holy Eucharist. It’s optional, but I do not leave it out, because I know how important it is for us to be reminded that there are no secrets hidden from God. He knows our deepest thoughts, better than even we do.
We find ourselves in this church season described as “after Pentecost.” It’s that time after God has sent his son Jesus Christ to die for us. Jesus has left us in bodily form, sending his Holy Spirit, to light his fire in our hearts. It is during this time that we are made ever more aware of our responsibility in spreading the Gospel, in nurturing and growing Christ’s body, His Church. We do this through prayer, study of scripture, through love and hope and faith. It’s hard to do these things, though, with all of these negative thoughts in our heads, these thoughts we think we have so well hidden from everyone. It is time for us to pay greater attention to these thoughts, because the sin found in what we think is no less than the sin found in what we do. And usually, our thoughts affect our actions. We cannot fully realize this responsibility we were given in baptism to grow Christ’s body if our heads are full of these negative thoughts.
I ask, then, that we spend this summer purifying our thoughts. This is not something we can do alone. If you need a prayer to guide you, read this collect for purity. Either way, pray. Pray that you may find peace of mind void of these thoughts that attack our hearts and our souls. If we do so, not only will we find it much easier to live out God’s call to us to grow Christ’s body, but also we will find ourselves much more fulfilled, much more free, and increasingly happier. This summer pray. Pray each day that our Lord, from whom no secrets are hidden, who knows the depths of our hearts, will purify our hearts.